All my life, I’ve been a loner. Able to shape-shift into any clique, yet belonging to none. Even when I had my first son, I avoided mommy groups, unsettled by the random lotto of strangers grouped by birth date.
And even though I’ve gotten over my fear-of-commitment issues, thanks to my generous and supportive husband, I still have something inside that makes me push people away, or at the very least keep them at arm’s length.
That’s not hard to do, especially as a mom.
Being a new mom is isolating in itself—the strange hours, the all-consuming need of your baby. Then the kids get older, and just when you think you might have some time for yourself again, homework and extra-curricular activities kick in, and if you’re a working mom, trying to balance it all and your career commitments too, you can find yourself siloed more than ever. You might even become afraid of making contact. Maybe you think everyone has their group of friends, and that it’s too late for you to join in.
It’s not.
See, lately, I’ve been reaching out to people. I realized that maybe in all my busy-ness, I was hiding a little bit, too. It took me some curve balls to be comfortable with being vulnerable. To accept help, and love, too. And yet every time I put myself out there, I’ve been awestruck at how amazing people are when you let them in. And by letting my guard down, I’ve realized I can be amazing too. I just needed to give us a chance.
The benefits of friendships are so obvious, perhaps we even take it for granted how important they are. To surround yourself with people who understand, who get you, who can see through you, and support you, who can offer a shoulder to cry on, a glass of wine to laugh over, and who always have your back.
But it’s more than that. By opening myself up to the friendship of others, I found myself more able to give it back too.
Today more than ever it’s easy to swap face time for Facebook likes, deep conversations for texting snippets. Friendship requires stepping up and stepping out, extending yourself and giving others the opportunity to reach out to you.
I know that with a day packed with work, kids and life, tending to and creating new friendships can feel like just another thing on your to-do list. But the chance to inspire and be inspired, a sympathetic ear, a good laugh and a hug—there’s no app that can replace that.
The best part is that it’s never too late to make friends. Whether it’s your first day at baby-and-me class, or your last hour at the school playground, like the song says, all you have to do is, “Darling, reach out.”
I never sought out a tribe, but I’m thankful I’ve finally found mine. Funny thing is, they were there all along.
I just needed to get over myself, to see them for what they were: A gift.
Tagged under: motherhood,mom friends
Category: mom-101
