Toronto is in a state of mourning and shock right now, after a man went on shooting rampage on a busy street in the Danforth on Sunday, July 22, killing a 10-year old girl and an 18-year-old woman, and injuring 13 others, before dying of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, according to police.
The rise in gun violence in Toronto—there have already been twice as many shootings in 2018 as there were in all of 2017—is frightening. And while this tragedy makes it clear, from a parents’ perspective, that we can’t always protect our kids, it leaves me wondering wondering if we can do better, beginning at home.
Nader Far owns and operates probably the one and only toy store in Toronto that doesn’t sell toy guns of any kind. Far has owned and operated Toy Terminal for 28 years, and not once has he had toy guns on his shelves overflowing with thousands of toys. “The suppliers know to not even bother calling me,” he says. “They know I don’t want them.”
The reason Far adamantly refuses to sell toy guns, including water guns, is pretty simple. “Guns are never okay for kids to play with,” he says. “There are so many other toys they can be playing with, so many educational toys, so many plush toys. Why do they need toy guns?”
Far has a great aversion to guns and violence and he thinks our prime minister needs to step up when it comes to gun laws in Canada. And, although he doesn’t have children of his own, Far believes that we need to start educating our kids about the dangers of guns, as early as daycare. “Kids are like computers. They can be programmed and parents need to coach them.”
Along with trying to figure out how to talk to our children about this tragedy, and to make sense of it, it’s worth rethinking whether to allow their kids to own and to play with toy guns.
When my son was born, I was adamant that toy guns would be banned in my household. I hate looking at guns. I hate thinking about guns. Whether it’s water guns, foam or plastic guns, paintball parties, or video games that involve guns, all guns just make me totally uncomfortable.
Flash forward six years later, and my son now owns at least ten guns. I have never bought him one, yet somehow he has numerous water guns and Nerf guns—even plastic automatic guns.
When I walk in the door and my six year-old aims one of his guns at me, and says, “I’ve just shot you. You’re dead!” I literally scream, “Do not point that at my head! Do not point that at anyone!”
But my son, like many other boys, are drawn to guns, like ants to a picnic blanket. My son likes to play good versus evil. He likes to shoot “bad people” in his imagination. I hate it. But…I haven’t taken his toy guns away from him.
A few months ago, a photo surfaced of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, looking on as her son Prince George played happily with a plastic toy gun while attending a charity polo match, which lead to a Twitter storm of people debating whether or not children should be playing with toy guns.
One writer who defended to the choice to allow Prince George to play with guns, shares how when her firstborn son arrived, she swore he would never have a toy gun. “But a few months after he started school, I found him building a gun out of his Lego blocks and gradually I acquiesced.”
She admits that she used to be opposed to toy guns, too, but then this writer, who has a background in psychology, did her research. “The more I read, the more reassured I became. The scientific evidence was patchy, but consistently [showed] no statistical link between allowing children to play with guns and violence in later life.”
She has come to believe that, “playing rough and tumble games, play wrestling and play fights with guns and other weapons helps children to assimilate [violence in the] news in a way the helps, not hinders or damages them.”
But does a six year-old really understand the dangers of real guns? Does my son understand why I yell, “Don’t point that at me!” How do we talk to them without scaring them?
As shootings are starting to dominate the news in Canada, pretend play has never been more unpopular or cringe-worthy. When it comes to toy guns, parents often find themselves at odds with their kids’ natural tendencies and interests.
Many school districts in America have a zero-tolerance toy gun policy. Children have been suspended for pointing fingers like handguns, as one article points out saying, “Wary of falling on the wrong side of school policies, many parents attempt to squelch all toy gun play at home, lest it follow kids to school. Many child experts agree that forbidding this type of play only gives pretend guns more power.”
In Britain, most nurseries are now banning toy weapons for toddlers, according to a poll of over 1,000 nursery owners and staff. Sue Learner, editor of Daynurseries.co.uk, which published the poll, said there is a fear among mothers and fathers that toy guns and swords can stir up aggression in toddlers.
David Wright, co-owner of the Paintpots Nursery Group, also based in the UK, says, however, that adults often project their own prejudices, thoughts and fears on to children’s role playing. “[Children] are not going through the same processes related to what we see in the media, and what we perceive,” he says. “I think we have to make that distinction between children’s imagination and what goes on in the real world.”
I’m not the only mother who has tried to instill the no-gun rule in the house but eventually gave up or gave in. “I now duck and dodge while writing this, foam Nerf bullets whizzing past my head, as my 6- and 8-year-old boys engage in heavy battle,” one Washington Post writer says. “After years of throwing away toy guns given by grandparents, disarming every Star Wars guy who came locked and loaded in his cryo-freeze plastic packet and even allowing only squirt guns shaped like spitting dolphins, I gave up.”
Still, she can’t help but think, “The only place darker for a parent to go than imagining your child killed by a gun is wondering what it would be like to raise the gunman. And some of us decide we’ll do everything in our power to prevent it.”
Because this latest shooting hit so many of us so hard across Canada—a shooting in a public place at a reasonable hour, in a close-knit community that is generally considered “safe”—it’s clear we need to start having discussions with our kids about gun violence. I may not take away my kid’s collection of toy guns, but I definitely won’t be partaking in gun play either. In fact, like Far, when my child picks up one of his toy guns, I think I’ll now distract him into doing something else.
According to Far, it’s the parents, not the kids, who get angry when they realize he doesn’t sell toy guns at his toy store. “The kids are fine. We have thousands of other toys that interest them. It’s the parents who tell me that, because I don’t sell guns, my store sucks.”
In short, I’m still conflicted. So I’ll put it to you: What do you think? Have you given in to toy guns in your home?
Tagged under: safe toys,toys for kids,toy guns,children playing,guns,violence,violence in america,making sense of violence,gun violence,Deaths by guns,Guns in the US,boys toys
Category: mom-101
